No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
