I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize