I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
