Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
please come you make the beer taste better
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
