You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
