Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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