I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
