last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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