remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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