I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
