i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
