Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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