did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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