Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
