I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize