today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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