my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
