Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
