I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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