We named our party play list daddy issues
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
