how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
