dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
