I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
