I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
