I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
