Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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