can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
