Barsexuality is the new black.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
