"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
