When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
