I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
