im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
