But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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