I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
