Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We are all done wearing pants today
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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