so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize