My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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