I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
