Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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