Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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