Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
