Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
