It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
