you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
