Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
