I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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