Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
