By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
