We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This toilet bowl is my home.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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