So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
