Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
