There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize