I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
