she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
