I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
