you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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