Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
