Where did you get a picture of my penis
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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