He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
