yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
