Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
