When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The adults are the big ones right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
