I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize