Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
