How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
