Non-Jews are for practice
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
