I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
