Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
