Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
