My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize