He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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