there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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