and you said cock pushups were impossible
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
