I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
