you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
