Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
