every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
