Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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