Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
