Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize