Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He better not be in your backpack
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
