but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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