Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
