Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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