Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
