saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
