I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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