I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
