I wannas sexs uuuuu
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
