hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Success! We fucked roommates!
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