I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize