i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
