And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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