currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My vagina is officially offended.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
