Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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