i just had sex bonerless
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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