I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
