I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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